People Are Going To Talk, But You Have To Be The Bigger Person

 In your life you'll realize that somewhere in the world there is a person who is unhappy with their own life, and so they start spreading hate, and drama in someone Else's life. And if you're lucky, that life will be yours.

I was struggling through chemo the very first time I was accused of lying about my disease. I never got a legit reason for why I was accused of lying, just the fact that I didn't provide proof. To me, that was so incredibly ridiculous. I mean, I was a twenty three year old adult, why should I have to provide proof to prove to someone that I was indeed sick? Why should anyone? I wasn't a child in need of help. I was a full grown independent adult, I owed nothing to anyone.

The thing is, I don't understand how someone could wake up one day and pretend to be ill. What do they get out of it? I mean, I was living a pretty awesome life before i got sick, and I lost it all when I had to quit my job after I fell ill. It baffles me to this day that the people who meant the most to me could accuse me of such an awful crime when I had everything before I got sick. I would I give it all up for a lie? I've never been known to lie in the past. I had been a "goody two shoes" even.  So what did I get out of lying?

I'm still trying to figure that out. 

You see, I became extremely alone through all the accusations, I still don't know how to be anything but. I rely on myself, and no one else.  I've learned to be alone. I've learned to survive and not need a single person. I think for me, that's the scariest part. The knowing that I don't need anyone it prepares me for always being alone. It's also sheltered me from people, and made me push people to attempt to get close to me away. I've been scarred emotionally to the point where I don't like to feel that special closeness to anyone. In my mind, its saving myself from the hurt. I mean, how do you ever go back from being accused of lying about the very illness you can prove you have?

I don't think that being accused of lying was even the worst part. I think that the worst part is the lengths that these said "friends" went to try to convince the supportive people in my life went in order to try to ruin my reputation. At twenty four years old, I had never really drank. I never did drugs. I never got in trouble. I never lied. I was a straight A student in high school. I was doing well for myself. When I had a job, i did great. I had a good, upstanding record, so what did I get from lying? Why would I? It wasn't who I was. And yet, I was became the bad guy over a lie someone started. But why?

A short time after all this happened, I attended my very first cancer support group. of course, I had been refereed to my my NO, which is a Nero Oncologist. The group I attended, you couldn't get in without a referral, it was a way to ensure the privacy of other patients in the group. Anyway, I felt like for the first time in such a long time that I was understood, like I was in a safe place and for the first time in a year I could finally breathe.

I was surrounded by people who were going through the same exact thing as me, and that was a relief that I couldn't explain. for an hour every single Monday, and Friday, the negative world and people surrounding me, they didn't matter. I was just in the moment, sharing my story, and listening to others who've gone through similar things. In this group, I also learned that it was extremely common for a cancer patient to be accused of lying.

I met this man, Jake. He had to be around at least thirty five, he was diagnosed with melanoma. His entire family abandoned him for the sole reason that they thought he was lying because he refused to let the cancer win. He was positive. Refused Chemo and Radiation. He chose quality of life over quantity. Because of this,  they thought he was lying. He said, they didn't understand why someone would refuse treatment that could help them get better, so in their minds there was no way he could possibly be sick. It didn't matter that he was on medication. It didn't matter that he had doctor statements, and signatures. The therapist in the group had said that in a lot of cases, this is how people react when they're in denial. Rather than admitting the truth, the pretend that it isn't true. It's sad but it happens.

Even with the lack of his biological family, he still had support. He had his wife, and children by his side, and in his mind it was the only thing he needed. I respected this man entirely. I remember so many times wishing I had his mindset. He was the perfect example of staying true to yourself through the battle of cancer. Whether he lived or died, he was going to make sure he left a legacy behind.

He died in July of this year. He did so with a smile on his face though. I remember going to visit him in the hospital one night, a few days before he passed, and him telling me that it would be okay. I had come to him crying about yet another lie being spread about me, and he said to me "You only get this one life, don't let the people surrounding you take that away from you. You're worth so much more. Show them and cancer who's boss."   I don't think I'll ever forget those words, they're burned into my brain.

In the end, it didn't matter that the cancer took him away. It didn't matter that he lost his battle because in a weird way, he still won. He didn't let it ruin his life. He didn't waste a single moment. That's the legacy I want to leave behind.  The thing is, with the help of him and a few of my new "cancer" friends, I've found this new version of myself that I want to be remembered for. People are always going to talk, and there is nothing I can do about that. They can only tear me down if I give them the ability to do so. I'm sick, and that is a fact. I know it. My doctors know it. And eventually when I finally have my surgery so will everyone else, but I refuse to waste a single moment more proving it. I'm going to live my life because that's all there is left to do. Sometimes, you just have to answer people with silence because nothing you say will ever matter.