Sometimes, You Just Have To Ask For Help

Like any other person at the age of twenty three years old, I believed myself to be invincible. I thought that if I could pretend hard enough that cancer the cancer didn't exist that it would eventually just disappear on it's own.  I was young, and naive, and to be quite honest the only thing that I was concerned about was work, and maintaining my life.  Silly right? I find out that I have cancer, and the first that came to mind was work. 

The thing was, I thought I could handle it on my own. I thought if I could deny it, that maybe somehow it wouldn't be true. I mean, I felt find physically most of the time, other than the migraines, and I just wasn't ready to give up my life. The life I had worked so hard to achieve was finally in my grasp and I knew once I accepted that I was sick, everything had to change, but I wasn't ready for that. 

So, for the first few months, I pretended I was fine,  and went on my way to my life. I did this until I physically just couldn't do it anymore.  I didn't want to accept the fact that I needed help. I mean, in reality, who does?  I've always been used to handling everything on my own. I've always been used to being an independent person. I faced everything on my own, my entire life, I didn't really know how to need anyone. But that's the thing about cancer, it's not something you should or even can face on your own.  At least, you shouldn't have to. 

Eventually, I allowed the help of other people. I realized that this wasn't something that I could handle all alone.  I let my doctors do their jobs, my only exception was that I got to keep working until I started feeling like I couldn't. It was the only part of my life that I had control over. It was the thing that kept me sane. The one thing that kept me from going insane. Work was the only thing I felt like I had left. 

But, then came the time when I physically couldn't do it anymore, and to be honest with you, that has still stayed with me.  I lost a pig part of my myself from admitting that working was causing more harm than good. Admitting defeat, and giving up my job was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I realized that if I wanted to get better, I had to choose between the job and my health. The job would always be there,  if I allowed the cancer to spread, there was no guarantee that I would be, and I had so many things I still wanted to do, I wasn't going to keep putting off my health. I couldn't afford to anymore. 

So for anyone reading this, suffering from the same thing, I encourage you to always remember that it's okay to ask for help. You're not alone, even when it might feel like you are. Sometimes, good things happen to bad people, and all we can do is accept them. Cancer sucks, we all know it, but it doesn't have to win. Give it all you got. Fight with everything you have, and know that there is a community of people who are just like you. All you have to do is reach out and ask for help. There is absolutely no shame in that. I mean, look at me.